Spring Awakening: The Condensed Version
by Katey-Michelle
Summary: How Spring Awakening would go if there were only about 10 minutes to perform it.


**While complaining about never being able to perform _Spring Awakening_ in my Drama class, my friend suggested that I write a condensed version that he could assist me in performing. I think he was joking, but I did it anyway.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Not even Steffi D. And that is sad.**

_Spring Awakening_: The Condensed Version

Act 1

Scene 1: The Bergman Residence

Frau Bergman: Wendla! Your sister just had a baby!

Wendla: Wow, that's actually really ironic, because I was just about to ask you where babies come from.

Frau Bergman: *_gasp!_* Shut your filthy mouth, child, and put on a dress about two feet longer!

Wendla: (_whining_) _Mama!_

Frau Bergman: *_mumble_* baby *_mumble_* love *_mumble_* husband *_mumble_* There you go!

Wendla: (_whinier_) _MAMA!_

Scene 2: Latin Class

Moritz: *_snore*_

Teacher: Herr Stiefel! Recite Latin!

Moritz: Uh…

Teacher: Time's up! (_smacks him)_

Melchior: Oh, come on!

Teacher: Shut up! (_smacks him, too_)

Melchior: Grrrr…d**m you, authority!

Moritz: Melchi, help me! I had a naked dream! (_sucks thumb_)

Melchior: And..?

Moritz: I'M SO SCARED!

Melchior: *_sigh_* Fine. You want me to write you an essay?

Moritz: (_nods with thumb in mouth_)

Teacher 1: Dude, Moritz sucks.

Teacher 2: Mhm.

Scene 3: The Girls' Spot (Wherever That May Be)/Georg's Piano Lesson/Hanschen's Bathroom

Thea: I LOVE MELCHIOR!

Anna: Me, too!

Wendla: Me, three!

Martha: *_mumble_* Moritz *_mumble_*

Thea: *_epic gasp_* MELCHIOR. GABOR. IS. JESUS!

Fraulien Grossebustenhalter: Well, Georg, time to play the piano and ogle at my ample bosom.

Georg: (_drools_)

Hanschen: Shall I engage in acts of self pleasure? Well, no time like the present.

Herr Rilow: Son! Hurry up! I have to pee!

Scene 4: Melchior's Room

Melchior: (_writing in journal)_ Angst…angst…angst…

Moritz: OMG Melchi, I'm screwed!

Melchior: *_blank stare_*

Moritz: I'm so terrified! That essay gave me more NIGHTMARES! (_sucks thumb again)_

Scene 5: Melchior's Random Spot In The Woods

Wendla: Melchior? Fancy meeting you in this random patch of wilderness! What's up?

Melchior: Well, you know, just fathoming some radical ideas.

Both: (_stare lovingly and sigh_)

Scene 6: School

Moritz: Yippee! I passed!

Teachers: Mwahahaha…

Scene 7: Somewhere On The Way Back To The Girls' Houses

Thea: Martha, your hair is lame.

Wendla: Let's cut it!

Martha: No! My dad will beat and rape me!

Anna: OMG, we have to tell!

Martha: No!

Anna: Yes!

Martha: No! Shut up! You're so annoying!

Wendla: Hmmm…beaten…

Ilse: (_pops out of nowhere_) Dude, you get abused too?!

Ilse & Martha: (_high five_)

Scene 8: Melchior's Woods Spot/Wherever The Teachers Break The News To Moritz

Teachers: You fail.

Moritz: *_sob_*

Wendla: Melchi, will you hit me with this stick?

Melchior: No, you crazy b**ch!

Wendla: (_lifts up dress_) Please?

Melchior: How dare you tease me! (_beats her up and runs away_)

Wendla: *_sob_* Why am I so dumb?!

Scene 9: The Stiefel Residence

Moritz: Daddy, I flunked.

Herr Stiefel: (_smack_) You piece of crap.

Scene 10: The Gabor Residence/Wherever Moritz Is Reading The Letter

Frau Gabor: Dear Moritz: Just because you're my son's friend doesn't mean I have to give you cash or take your suicide threat literally. Love, Melchior's mom.

Moritz: (_takes out gun_)

Scene 11: Melchior's Hayloft

Melchior: Angst-ing in my hayloft…

Wendla: Hi!

Melchior: Go away.

Wendla: (_hugs him_) I'm sorry I asked you to hit me and showed you my half naked bum.

Melchior: (_pauses, then pounces on her_)

Wendla: Stop! We can't!

Melchior: Why not?

Wendla: Touché.

Melchior & Wendla: (_continue_)

*INTERMISSION*

Act 2

Scene 1: Church/Melchior's Hayloft

Priest: Sex is bad!

Melchior: Liar.

Scene 2: Yet Another Random Spot In The Woods

Moritz: Rawr! Now I'm officially CRAZY!

Ilse: Good afternoon.

Moritz: OMG HALF NUDE FEMALE!

Ilse: Come to my house!

Moritz: Sorry, can't.

Ilse: I'll give you lovin'!

Moritz: I can't - wait, what?

Ilse: Too late. You're really oblivious. (_runs off_)

Moritz: Dang. (_dies_)

Scene 3: The Funeral

Melchior: It's your fault.

Herr Stiefel: No, it's not.

Melchior: You killed him.

Herr Stiefel: No, I didn't.

Melchior: SHAME.

Herr Stiefel: *_sob_* Stop guilt tripping me!

Scene 4: Office At School

Teacher 1: Melchior, did you write this?

Melchior: Yes.

Teacher 2: Okay, now go away.

Melchior: …eff.

Scene 5: The Vineyard

Hanschen: Ernst?

Ernst: *_dreamy sigh_* Yes, Hanschen?

Hanschen: Can I just, you know, do whatever I want?

Ernst: *_another dreamy sigh_* Okay.

Hanschen: (_jumps on him_)

Scene 6: Wendla's Room/The Gabor Residence

Doctor: You're knocked up.

Wendla: Say whaaa?

Frau Bergman: Devil child! (_smack_)

Frau Gabor: Well, it appears my son is a rapist. Okay, reformatory.

Scene 7: Reformatory/Street Near Underground 1800s Abortion Clinic

Melchior: Sheesh, the guys here are nasty. (_reads letter_) Wendla's knocked up! Time to escape!

Wendla: Mama, where are we?

Frau Bergman: Oh, um, it's just -

Scary Doctor: (_grabs Wendla_)

Wendla: AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!

*I have conveniently removed Scene 8 due to it being pointless*

Scene 9: Graveyard

Melchior: Here's the grave of Moritz, and here's…Wendla?! Ah, well. (_takes out razor_)

Ghosts of Wendla & Moritz: Don't do it, Melchi!

Melchior: (_shrugs_) Okay.

Scene 10: Finale-Land

Ilse: Um…well…bye, everyone! Drive safe!

*Afterward added by yours truly*

Otto: Honestly, did I really have a point in this play at all? (_walks off mumbling to himself_)

_The End_


End file.
